Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Sorry about my life...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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