So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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