im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
