i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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