The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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