Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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