***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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