At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
