dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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