I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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