she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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