what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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