Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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