The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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