8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
