Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
