so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
