My liver just broke up with me...
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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