Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
