You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I wear drunk well.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
