just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
