Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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