i need an iv and a liver transplant
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
this hospital has no fireball
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
