i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
