That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
