I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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