somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
