your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
