i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
