Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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