u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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