Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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