the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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