hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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