He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
