Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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