everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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