i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Boobs speak an international language.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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