Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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