i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
