so that wasnt chicken after all
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
