Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
