SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
