For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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