The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
