I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
