So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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