I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
