Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
