A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
