Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
