I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
