and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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